What many do not realize is how CPWC is more important than what they think. CPWC is the reason why you're not suffering today. CPWC is your true savior.
My friends, this is how CPWC saved the United States of America.
Everything started in January of 1979. There was an association called YMCA in that year (Young Mens Crappy Association). The founder was called Eric. Eric was old and tired, so, to keep the YMCA alive, he named his closest partner, Simba, to run the YMCA for him.
The YMCA was in fact, a bar made for people to come in, discuss their lives, get yelled at and die. The YMCA was not very know and who knew it immediatelly wanted to get out, but they couldn't, because it's fun to stay at the YMCA.
And then, Simba ran the YMCA until December. Simba recruited a few people to the YMCA.
Luigi: Nice guy who likes ass. All the time.
Mike: Evil genius who is planning the destruction of the entire planet. And babies.
Zy: Girl who has a fetish for cactues. subways. horse dildos and other things I can't list here because it would cover the entire wiki.
Mute: Furry. I forgot what else to list.
And finally, Simba: A lion who immigrated to America for unknown reasons. Has loads of fangirls.
In December, Mike was making santa hats for everyone.
"Simba, you must wear a Santa hat, it's December!"
"You said you would wear it on December!"
"I changed my mind."
Mike threw the hat on the ground and stormed out of the bar.
"Stupid savannah cat."
Mike looked at all the snow around the bar and remembered he had a carrot in his chest pocket that he would use for his next attemp in starting the apocalypse. Mike built a snowlion but accidentally sticked the carrot under the lion's tail instead of his nose.
"SIMBA, COME OUTSIDE."
"I BUILT A SNOWLION."
Simba bursted through the door to see the snowlion.
"Where is it's nose?"
"I couldn't find a carrot."
Simba noticed Mike had a funny grin in his face. Simba looked around the lion and saw the carrot inserted under the lion's tail.
"Mike, what the fuck."
Simba also noticed that while he was examining the lion, Mike wrote "Simba" on the snow with a stick, right next to the snowlion and with an arrow pointing to it.
Simba got angry and took the stick from Mike's hands and broke it in his head.
Mike still had the funny grin on his face.
"WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE!"
Mike still had the funny grin on his face until Simba clawed it off.
Meanwhile, Luigi and the girls were inside the bar. The girls were playing pool as Luigi constantly tried to pick them up.
"Would you like to Zyt on me."
"Zy would you like to see my cactus..."
And Luigi pulled a cactus from his back pocket. Zy grab it, not minding she was hurting her hands and hurried to her room.
Luigi took one large step torwards Mute.
Mute was too busy playing pool and accidentally hit the back of the pool cue on Luigi's crotch. Luigi fell over, hitting his jaw on the pool table.
Meanwhile, Mike came back inside the bar with his face on his hands. Mute got scared and threw the pool cue at Mike. Mike dodged it and the pool cue hit Simba's face instead.
"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SIMBA I'M SO SORRY."
Mute ran torwards Simba while Mike grabbed a tube of glue to glue his face back.
"Mute, I'm okay..."
"NO, I WILL CHECK YOUR ENTIRE BODY JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU AREN'T INTERNALLY BLEEDING BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE."
Meanwhile, Mike glued his face back and went outside to retrieve his carrot.
Mike pulled the carrot out and went back to his beedrom to try and start the apocalypse.
Simba was also going back to his bedroom but being carried by Mute.
And Luigi slept on the floor next to the pool table.
A few hours later, the entire bar started to shake. Everyone came out of their rooms and asked eachother what the fuck was going on.
Simba looked outside. Everything was normal, until a giant pawn stepped right in front of the window. Simba watched a giant snowlion start walking torwards the city.
"Mike...What. Did. You. DO?!"
"I don't know, but I like it."
Simba clawed Mike's face again. Mike grabbed his face back and went back to his room to get a tube of glue again.
Luigi walked torwards Mute and Zy.
"DON'T WORRY, GIRLS, I'LL PROTECT YOU!"
"Luigi, please." Mute pulled a submachine gun from her waist and Zy did the same.
Mike soon came out of his room with his face glued back.
"What the fuck do we do now?"
"We're going to kill that thing. By my lion senses, it's heading torwards the White House."
"But...But...I WANT TO DESTROY AMERICA AND THE ENTIRE WORLD."
"Do it later, jackass."
"Okay..." Mike sadly pulled a heavy machine gun from under the pool table.
"Since when did we had that gun?"
"Since I wanted to have one."
Mike got his face clawed off again.
"You know what, fuck you Simba."
Mike shot Simba's face off.
The amount of noise coming out of the bar eventually caught the snowlion's attention.
The snowlion ran back, bringing loads of cops behind it. It grabbed the YMCA bar and threw it all the way to Nevada.
In Nevada, the gang came out of the bar disoriented, with Mike glueing his face back as Simba glued his.
The gang was stuck in the middle of a desert. The only sign of civilization was a small shack up ahead.
The gang knocked on it. As soon as the door opened, the gang was struck by loud rap music playing from inside and a strong marijuana smell.
In the doorway stood a mix between V and a gangster.
"OH GOD, MY MOOBS ARE GOING TO KNOCK ME OUT." Simba said, visibly altered.
"Do you have planes in here." Luigi said, also altered.
"No, but Area 51 probably has an UFO."
"Where is Anal 51?" Mute asked.
"Right behind my house!"
Mike looked behind V's house to see Area 51.
"Don't mention it."
V closed his door and the group went back to normal.
"We should steal an aircraft and fly back to our city before that snowlion destroys everything." Simba said to the group.
The group looked to see Zy inside Area 51, with a bomber plane behind her.
"ZY, HOW THE FUCK."
"IT TURNS OUT AREA 51 SOLDIERS ARE CACTUS FETISHISTS, SO I GAVE THEM ALL THE CACTUS I HAD AND I GOT THIS!" Zy said as she went inside the plane with a soldier licking a cactus next to it.
The group noticed there was a door on the fence. The group went through it and inside the plane.
"This is actually loaded with bombs!"
"We'll put them in good use!"
The crew flew back to their city, only to find it destroyed. Footprints of the monster were the only thing visible.
The crew heard a roar not much far to the left. That was when they saw the monster attacking the White House.
Simba used his amazing flight skills to fly over the snowlion and released a bomb.
As soon as that happened, Mute noticed Zy was not in the plane.
"Hey, what happened to Zy?"
- cut to Zy riding the bomb painted as cactus while screaming in joy*
The bomb hit the monster in the back of the head. The explosion and the impact caused the monster to fall over, on top of the White House.
"Simba, you might have just accidentally killed the president of the United States..." Mike said, "...Good job!"
Simba landed the plane. The group jumped out to see the president himself come out of a limo.
"FUCK!" Mike yelled and went back in the plane.
The president gave a speech to the group, "My friends, you have done a great job today. You worked together to defeat what would've been the end of the United States," the crew noticed the snowlion being carried away by three helicopters, "although, it's unfortunate that you lost one of your friends, but, her sacrifice shall be remembered by future generations. You all shall be claimed heroes. And the lion must be claimed king."
"MR. PRESIDENT!" An agent from the secret service showed up from behind the president, "WE JUST FOUND OUT THAT YOUR SECRET BUTTON TO START A THERMONUCLEAR WAR HAS BEEN PRESSED WITH THE FALL OF THE CREATURE!"
"Oh, bugger. Gentleman, may you all take me out of America before this place gets nuked?"
"Mr. President, actually, we'll solve this thermonuclear war for you-" Simba said as he turned around only to find out Mike nicked the plane and dissapeared with it in the sky.
"Don't worry, I have an UFO!" The president said as, with one button from his controller he pulled out from his pocket, an UFO showed up right behind them.
The trio got in the UFO and flew all the way to Russia, as they figured it would be the first country in the world that would want to destroy America, according to games and movies.
In Russia, tanks shot at the UFO and the UFO crashed in the Kremlin Senate, where the trio found the president of Russia.
The trio came out of the UFO with guns pointed at the president.
The president said he didn't want to fight, "I do not want to participate in the thermonuclear war. But, I'd like to join you guys in this adventure."
Simba laughed and shot the president in the head. Then, Simba, Luigi and Mute went back in the UFO and flew to North Korea.
In North Korea, Simba was about to land the UFO, but he spotted a giant enemy crab which grabbed the UFO and threw it on the ground. The UFO exploded and the trio flew out and were about to be stepped on by the giant enemy crab.
But, Mike showed up with the bomber plane, but since Mike didn't knew how to fly straight, he crashed the bomber plane on the crab, and all the bombs in the plane and exploded and the crab died.
Mike was launched out of the plane and broke his legs.
Simba noticed a cripple trying to escape from the madness with his wheelchair, so Simba ran after the cripple, grabbed him and threw him inside a pool while he threw the wheelchair at Mike.
"Now, how are we going to get to the president?"
"Simba," Mute said, "the crab WAS the president. Don't you read the news?"
"I don't know how to read, I am a lion. roaroaroaroaroaroaroar."
Mute fainted with Simba's roar because it was too hot.
But, then, suddenly, Mike, while pressing buttons on the wheelchair, flew up on it. The wheelchair had jetpacks.
Mike fell back on the ground and Luigi, carrying Mute and Simba jumped onto the wheelchair and they flew all the way back to America because they figured that only Russia and North Korea would attack America for starting a thermonuclear war against the entire world and that the other countries didn't have the technology (or balls) to attack America.
When arriving back at the White House, the president immediatelly ran torwards the group.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
"What? We stopped the war!"
"WE HAVE MISSILES COMING FROM AFRICA, YOU COCKS. MISSILES FILLED WITH RABID RAPING MONKEYS!"
That was when everyone looked up to see the missiles falling.
"..." The president sighed, "Any last words?"
"Heh..." Mike suddenly stood up from his wheelchair, as the others stared, shocked, "I have a plan..." Mike said, and then, noticed he was standing up. He stared at his legs for a few seconds before shouting, "MEIN FÜHRER! I CAN WALK!".
Those were the last words from the YMCA. America passed through dark times after being swarmed by rabid raping monkeys. The YMCA was crucified, and Simba's cross was lit on fire for extra punishment for being african.
The YMCA rotted away on their crosses. Simba was the first one to die, Mike the second, Mute the third and Luigi the last.
Ten years passed, America was still filled with rabid raping monkeys who reproduced by raping humans who then gave birth to monkeys by having them burst out of their belly.
A human survival shelter was located in Nevada, right inside V's house, who moved out.
The survivors were people who visited the YMCA before it's destruction of America. They knew YMCA wasn't responsible for the continuous rape cases across the country.
They named themselves CPWCA (Cute Penguins Will Cure America). They actually had everything to cure America, except the balls.
CPWCA was formed by 6 people.
Animefan999: A kid on drugs who strangely grew boobs when he was 10.
Luigifan100: Contrary to the previous one, this one could get ladies.
Mike: Self-considered reincarnation of a mix between Hitler, Osama and Stallin.
Mute The Cat: Human dad and cat mother.
Zyranne: Cactus fetishist and a caring friend.
G4T0R4D3xEN3RGY: Leader of the group. Last lion on America after the death of Simba.
To cure America, CPWCA had to drop a bomb they made by themselves, which would make all monkeys stop being rabid and fear humans. But they had to climb to the tallest tower in all of America to do that. The World Trade Center.
After creating courage, the CPWCA decided to start their journey torwards New York to save America. Anime was the one who would carry the bomb.
The CPWCA jumped in their convertible with an american flag next to them, while blowing away any rabid raping monkey they saw on the way.
When they arrived at New York, they spent the entire day going up the tower, killing every monkey in sight. When they finally arrived at the top, Simba kicked Anime off the tower with the bomb, and the bomb exploded, curing America and scaring away the monkeys.
Anime, also, surprisingly survived.
The CPWCA got to meet the president of the United States, ClericofMadness, who made the White House their lair.
In 2010, everyone parted ways. But the CPWCA didn't die. The CPWCA eventually moved into a creepypasta site created by ClericofMadness himself after becoming ex-president of the United States.
The CPWCA became CPWC (Creepypasta Wiki Chat). Not many know about this story due to Obama covering everything up, but it's true.
Thank CPWC. Thank it for you not being father or mother of rabid raping monkeys.
Written by Mike Mikerson