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Once upon a time, a boy named Cody rode his bike to the local McDonald's, craving a burger. He pedaled up to the restaurant and chained his bike to the bike rack. Cody was just about to walk in when a middle aged man threw himself out the window in front of Cody.

Cody staggered backwards from the man, startled by the noise and the fact that this guy just jumped through a fucking window and landed right in front of him. The man sprang up, stared right into Cody's eyes, and said "GET OUTTA HERE. WHILE YOU STILL CAN." He then sprinted to his Chevy, got in, and tried to drive away. The car inexplicably burst into flames because... Chevrolet.

Cody was about to turn back and get on his bike to ride to the deli, but he was really hungry and didn't want to waste time getting there. So he ignored the man's warning (and screaming, because Cody is a dick and doesn't save middle aged men trapped in burning cars) and proceeded to enter the restaurant.

The place was in ruins. Trays were scattered everywhere. Splattered ketchup and other condiments stained the walls and floors. The Coca Cola machine was spewing ice and soda, having being smashed. The people in the restaurant screamed as they moved away from a monster like thing in front of the counter, terrified. And when Cody laid eyes on the monster, he let out a scream.

The monster was actually a boy, the same age as Cody. The difference was, he was extremely fat and was obviously autistic. He had this terrifying smile of greed and hunger on his face, his tan skin covered layer upon layer of fat that spread out 5 fucking feet, and his black hair was badly cut.

"MO FOOD... I GADDA HOVE MO FOOD!" the boy said. Cody backed away slowly and was suddenly grabbed by a 16 year old employee named Michael.

"It's awful, kid! He lumbered in here calling himself Tristan Sanchez and he started eating all the food! He sat on a bunch of people, man, he even ate the wrappers and shit!"

"Oh dear god! We gotta call the cops, um..." Cody read the name tag that said THIS HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT IS NAMED MICHAEL. "Michael. I'm Cody."

"My boss did, but they're not gonna be here for another ten minutes! We gotta get the hell outta here!" Suddenly, a great roar came from Tristan. He spotted an employee laying behind the register.

"Ah smill bahguhs." Tristan sniffed, then lumbered over to the screaming employee. "Eet's camin frum yoo." Tristan grabbed the employee, smiled, and popped her into his mouth. There was a sickening sound of crunching and mushing as Tristan chewed, then swallowed. "Ah steel aunt foll!"

At that moment, Cody and Michael panicked and bolted to the Playplace. Tristan smelled the burgers on Michael and chased after them. The ground shook violently when he walked.

"Hide in the tunnels!" Cody exclaimed. They both ran up the tubes and split apart. The tunnels were extremely cramped and tiny, and they smelled like a shitty diaper. Cody was about to wonder if he was gonna end up with the flu when Tristan tore off a piece of the tunnel, just behind where Cody was.

Cody screamed and crawled for his life. Tristan ate the piece if tunnel and began to tear off other pieces to eat. At least 2 of the pieces had children inside. And by the way, I don't care if the fucker's autistic. He's eating pieces of tunnel with children inside. Not only is he costing thousands in property damage, he's gonna be on death row for eating at least 3 people.

Anyways, Cody spotted Michael in one of the tunnels. Tristan tore it apart, taking the tunnel fragment with Michael still inside. Cody jumped up into the tunnel fragment and tackled Michael out of the tunnel, falling out himself just before Tristan ate the fragment.

It was a nasty fall, but not nearly as nasty as this fatass, so of course they survived. The police arrived. 7 of the 8 officers moved in to arrest Tristan. The 8th started firing wildly at Tristan with no regard for human life because... American police forces. Needless to say, the police (minus the firing officer, as he hit the tunnel and the bullet ricocheted off the tunnel and hit him in the neck, killing the incompetent fuck instantly) put Tristan in custody. Since they were having trouble fitting him in the squad car, they hit him hard in the stomach. Tristan threw up everything, including the food, parts of the store, the remains of the employee he ate, tunnel fragments, and a few children who were miraculously alive. Tristan shrank back down to what must've been his original size, though he was still really fat.

As Tristan bawled that he was now extremely hungry and wanted more food, the police drove him to the station. Cody and Michael got up, a bit scraped and bruised from the fall.

"Jesus, man, that guy was..." Michael began.

"Carnivorous? Bloodthirsty? Destructive?"

"I was gonna say fat, but that works, too."

As a reward for saving Michael from being eaten by an extremely fat teenager, the McDonald's gave Cody free burgers for life. You may think that Cody became as fat as Tristan, but he rarely used his discount. Why? Because he had post-traumatic stress disorder from nearly being killed by a hungry fatass and rarely even entered a fast food restaurant, let alone McDonald's, you cuck. Michael remained at the McDonald's for a while, though he wouldn't serve people over 165 pounds. Why? Because he's a high school dropout and couldn't go anywhere else, and he also was pissed scared that anyone over 165 pounds was gonna eat him, you cuck.

Rumor has it that Tristan was sentenced to life in prison but ate his way out. He reportedly claimed he was off to kill an "evol ciminol" (a guy who both called him fat and owed him a burger) and his whereabouts are unknown.

He probably found a Burger King to eat.



Written by Rebel of Rebellion